I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
