So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
