and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
