Where are you?
In a non slutty way
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
