she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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