remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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