the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
