i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
