i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
