I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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