The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm like, not good at living.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
