Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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