Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
