you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
