things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize