my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
