Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
