Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize