After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
