You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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