I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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