R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
