Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
