How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
