I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We smell like vodka and hangover
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