Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
