Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
