his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have fence marks all over my body
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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