You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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