I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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