and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
