On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
