ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize