2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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