it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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