I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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