Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
