Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
