i used baking grease as lip gloss
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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