they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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