I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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