I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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