I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
