loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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