Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize