Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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