Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
