you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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