its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
false alarm, still single
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
