I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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