If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
