If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
