Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
