dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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