K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
