I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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