I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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