honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
