the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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