She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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