He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't deserve a penis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
