he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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