I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
