Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
