You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
