I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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