So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
