I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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