Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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