Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
