You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
