JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize